ugh...

this is the LAST thing you need right now, on top of everything else!!! i hope, for everyone's safety (and your sanity) that this is a bunch of bulls.h.i.t!!

either way, someone needs to get their @$$ beat for talkin s.h.i.t, and you better break more than her nose if she did sleep with him.  im infuriated just thinking about it.

guys are f.u.c.k.i.n.g retarded, and we know this!! goodness woman, im hopin it isn't true.

**hugs** ~Alex

gotta love the budget (or as you put it, "payment plan") hehe.  don't worry, we all know that you still love us, and anyone reading your diary will know that you are UBER busy!!

Get some rest, missy. ttyl! Tootles!!

of course things will get better!!!  they always have a way of working out.

i hope the 13 hour shift isn't killin ya too much 2day.  i'd wanna crawl into a hole and sleep for two days after a day likt that! ewwwws!!!

priorities are bound to get a little kewky (sp? lol) from time to time. it happens. why on earth you would want to disappear to another part of washington, i dunno. lol. you'd be awfully close to canada though. hehe. i kid i kid!

[sweetazzhonee]

*claps excitedly* yay!!
i'm super excited that you are:

a). staying busy and working your tailfeather off
b). making lotsa $$$
c). possibly getting a job at mercedes, which sounds decent enough
d). able to move forward w/ plans to move to seattle

Getting your car all tuned up and ready for the drive is a BIG deal, too.  Justin and i had no problems, but he made sure that he wasn't walking into the drive without knowing first. haha. that would have been a friggin disaster!!!

anyways, talk to you later. tootles! ( - who says that anymore?)

you know, i would take good sex over going out ANYDAY!! lol. call me a nympho, and i would say that you are correct.

glad to hear you had fun, even if you ate cold pizza.

i love the burning of the jacket and roasting marshmellows.  that made me giggle.

only 46 days?!?!!? holy moly, thats like nothing!!!!

have a wonnnnnnnnnnnnderful day... ~Alex

with all thats going down with you, i was like "what?!?" when i saw your heading. f.u.c.k you scared me!!! lol

it's weird. i wanted soooooo badly to play shotglass checkers last night, for some ODD reason. lol. glad one of us got to. crappy that mommy let her kids stay up and watch her get drunk. BIG no-no in my book, but not my business.

im super excited that you and lenny got a night to have fun, just the two of you.  hope you had a friggin blast!

oh yes, and i remember the heartbreak when i lost my rat, Hailie.  Cutest little Dumbo rat in the whole wide world!! *sigh* i miss her......

anywho, talk to ya lata doll face!! ~alex

I absolutely hate dreams like that.  It's just when they are so realistic...it's horrible. 

That sounds like your going to have a fun night.  Yay!

You know what? I don't like you. I post good stories and entries and everything but never get any comments. It makes me mad, and you JUST posted this and ALREADY have a comment? (besides this one) ur not fair. I don't like you.

f.u.c.k - i hope someone has a case of paranoia. and i don't mean you.

s.h.i.t  s.h.i.t  s.h.i.t

im keepin my fingers crossed that nothing bad happens. i think someone needs to stop working for the PD... just my opinion

Good luck with the temp agency, I hope you find a job you're happy with. Talk to you soon.

Chad

im sorry you are feeling so icky about all this right now.

im sure he'll come around. maybe he is just stressing about the move.

I'm sorry today wasn't such a good day for you. I hope things get better. Take care.

Chad

wow yeah that all seems a bit fishy to me!! hmmm, i think maybe they are using him for something... does he have any friends that are high on the food chain?? unless this cop is VERY dirty, there is something else gonig on...

its very frustrating that you can't sell your stuff.  im sorry dear! it will all work out!

I would say that is almost definantly a set up with Lenny.

NO cop is going to do that.

Ah, I apologize for the comment I left.  I misread a crucial part of your entry.  You said Lenny "watched" his friends smoke pot.  For some odd reason, I skipped over that and somehow got "Lenny and his friends smoked pot."  My mistake.

I would totally pick option number three but take some alcohol with me if that were possible.  Camp out and have some booze.  Yes!  Then all you have to do is pay for beer.

Funnily enough, our minds are on the same wavelength. I'd also thought that if he does promise me more then I'd wait until he could prove it, like actually leaving his girlfriend for me instead of him just saying he will. I guess I'm finally wise to the fact that men will say anything if they think it will get them laid!

I guess on other things we're on different wavelengths. Choice three is my ideal option! I'm not really a rave/ecstasy person but each to their own and I'm sure you'll end up having a good night no matter whether you pick 1 or 2.

Your house.
Your rules.

He can only put you through what you'll put up with.

I'm in a similar situation as far as unappreciation goes.
But nothing to do with reefer or not being able to use my bathroom.

Why isn't he helping you pay rent?
His friends should probably pitch in too, bunch of weed-heads.

Tell him to quit wasting his money on a high and to get his self straight or else you're putting him out on the street.  Then ask, "Now where are you going to smoke, genius?  Who you gonna mooch off of now?!"

I wouldn't cook for him anymore for one thing. For another, get rid of him. You don't need that sh*t. you can't even use the bathroom in your own house. I wouldn't put up with it if I were you. Take care.

Chad

hehe that would be fun. and then...... if we ever do hang out, i won't have to virtually slap him. ill just do it in person!  

[sweetazzhonee]

oh yes my super cool news!! hehe. i had to hide it so justin wouldn't find it.

i figure i owe him after all he has done from moving here (and hating the rain) to buying everything. so i am going to buy a pair of seattle mariners tickets for june, when they play the florida marlins. thats his favorite team!!

**BIG HUGS**

ask him, honey!! you won't know unless you ask.  Even though it seems easier not to know, it'll tear you up if you don't ask.

It's probably better to not go to penn now, especially if your temp job is ending early.

good luck with the job hunting!! keep your chin up and hold faith!

You won't know the answers to your questions unless you ask. I know what I just said is obvious, but it's true. However, I did just wake up.....lol, so I have half of excuse for stating the obvious.

Chad

Raven, I hope everything works out and/or gets better for you. I'm sorry this comment is short, I've got my own pile of sh*t to clean up. Take care.

Chad

Very pretty girl.

xoxoxo

Good luck with all the job possibilities. I hope one of them works out for you. Take care.

Chad

Nice pics, you have pretty eyes and a pretty face. I like your tattoos also. The piercings on the back of your neck look painful.

Take care.

Chad

You've got more on your shoulders than I could handle, I never was good at financial stuff. Take care.

Chad

oh gosh, you sure owe a lot of money :(

Been down the road before

wahhhhhhooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im soooo happy 4 u and all that moolah you are getting!!!

congrats, dearie, you needed this!! hopefully that relieves a LOT of your stress!!!

and soon, you will be on the west coast..... starting out fresh...

Raven, good luck to you on your move. Take care.

Chad

Good luck, I hope you get the job you really want. Take care.

Chad

I hope you land one of those interviews. It is nice to have $$$$$.

$$$ make me happy :)

good luck!!!!!

do you have a for sure move date yet???

i'll let ya know next week how long it takes us to go from baltimore(airport) to portland.

Raven

I'm sorry..............I hope we can still be friends

Chad

one other thing....

even if you feel no one in this world cares, you can always look to your friends at MDD. we care.

*huge hugs*

i wish you well, hun, if you really don't come back. wave if you come across the oregon area, and know im thinking about you. worried about you. you are strong, and will make it wherever you go. yes, its hard now, but you can only go up. i'll miss reading your entries. take care of yourself.

loves,

 Alex

Raven, my mistake, to me giving up means suicide.

Sorry, good luck and take care.

Chad

Raven,

Why would you want to do that, to yourself and to the people who care about you? I've been where you are, I sold everything too, right down to my microwave and my car I didn't have to steal, thank God. But I did sell the laptop my Dad let me borrow. You're not alone in this world, you got us, people who love you even when you think nobody does. 2 weeks ago I felt like killing myself, but here I am. It would  be a waste, just like you throwing your life away. Try, I mean really try, find a quiet part of your house and just be quiet and let God speak to you. He knows everything that's happening to you and he can help you through it.  Plenty of good comes from you and you don't even see it or realize it. Who in the hell are you going to run from? Taking your own life is unnessary. There are people out here who care for and about you. I live in fear that from one moment to the next, one month to the next I won't have money to pay my rent and other bills, but I always  manage somehow. Please, pull your self back together and talk to somebody, whether it's me or someone else here in MDD. I would strongly suggest that you find a therapist to talk to. If you do take your own life, what would all your friends here do. We live for you as much as you live for us.

Tomorrow, I want to find an e-mail in my yahoo telling me, honestly, that you're ok. I may not get there in the morning but I will get it. Have no fear. Take care, get some sleep. See you tomorrow.

Chad

Ok, I understand now. I can't blame you for wanting your needs taken care of Take care.

Chad

haha its so funny b/cuz i was thinking about your entry this morning before i logged on, wondering if i had commented on it.  Then i was thinking, wow we may just cross somewhere in the middle of the us and not even know it. you will be almost 200 miles from where i live now. its nice, seattle. very rainy though. i'm glad you are going to get that fresh start. every1 needs it every once in a while.

Raven, 

I don't know what to say except to say that you deserve better than that. Giving you only five dollars and then asking for it back, that's just low, and about this few hours in the bedroom fixing things, is that the only way he'll be happy? That's not right either. Hope you make some changes for the better. Take care.

Chad

Raven,

Good luck on your decision to move, I wish you the best. Stay in touch. Take care.

Chad

Raven, I hope you had fun shopping. How did you make out in regards to not stressing over anything? I hope your plans once you get to Connecticut work out. Take care.

Chad

You soooo deserve it.

[xstarlesseyes]

It sounds like your sister has problems.

You shouldn't have to drive her around just because she's a coke head.  That isn't really teaching her any kind of lesson except to mooch off of everyone else.

And good job on getting that job, by the way.  I'm sure you'll do fine.

So I went and checked out the company you work for. And I was shocked to find out that business like Double Tree, Marriott, and Radisson Hotels endorsed your company and you are feeling so doubtful about being able to promote the services.

You have the opportunity to be schooled in many of the apsects of business that others have to go to college to get a grasp of.

Good Luck. Just had to post again.

Okay...

You have a great job! I would give an arm, a leg and a my gull bladder to have a commission job where there is no topping out. At the company I work for we top out after 550 % we get a cut and that's it, a cut. We have a commission scale which means if I sell $5,000 worth of product I get paid the same amount as I would if I sold $3,000 worth of product.

Are you crzy?

So let's say that it's just your prospective that you can't sale and you won't make it and no one wants what you have to offer. Of course you do. YOu just have to make them see it your way.

It's lack of experience...and you're assuming that you are going to be bugging everyone and they don't want what you have to offer.

Change that thinking now...

Let's assume that the person you are speaking with wants what you have to offer...you know you have to assume that...

Find one pitch that makes that product great and sell on that one pitch.

Or better yet find out why the person you're going to pitch to needs your product and captitalize on that need adn put green in your pocket.

I max my commissions each month along with my hourly wage.

I'm one of the top sales agents in my dept. And I can tell you I went from NO SALES to being VIP status in 4 months.

You must assume that Company A needs your product and the reason why Company A needs your product is:________________________ (fill in the blank).

A great book to read and please order it immediately before throwing in the towel on your excellent opportunity is ; Little Platinum Book Of CHA - CHING! by Jeffry Gitomer.

STudy what makes top sellers TOP Sellers, most people are more than happy to brag about their success, it's your strategic move that will turn their bragging into your gain. Good luck.

P.S. Stary away from the water and go make your first thousand!!!

Raven, you don't want to drown yourself in the bath tub, do you? I hope not. Congrats on getting the job. Good luck to you Don't feel bad, I post public comments all the time, usually because, like you, I run out of time. Take care, good luck again.

Chad

Good luck with Ford and Dynasty, hang in there. You'll make it. Take care

Chad

Raven, I'm sorry things aren't going very well with your job hunt. On the bright side I'm glad you and Lenny are doing well. Take care,

Chad

Raven,

You should try people watching, that's a good way to pass the time. People do the strangest things sometimes. I hope that eventually you get where you want to go. Take care.

Chad

Raven,

Good luck and have fun. I wish I could do that. I've only been on the big planes, you can't see much on them. Take care.

Chad

Raven,

Congratulations on your new job. I hope everything works out with it. Your boss does sound cool. Have a good time with your Dad and his girlfriend. Take care, talk to you soon.

Chad

Raven,

Go eat the cake even if it isn't yours.lol It sounds like your finances and mine are in the same boat. I'll have the same amount of money as you do left after paying my bills next month. Take care.

Chad

Raven,

I hope Lenny can stay clean from now on. I'm sorry to say this but he won't quit until he really wants to, even if you threaten to or actually do leave him. He has to want to be clean. Take care and good luck.

Chad

Wow, that was some reading then! It was worth it if you're inspired to go back to school. It's unfortunate that most interests, like travelling, require money and money is much easier to get if there's an education behind you. It also sucks that you have to go through years of poverty as a student to get the money! I've been pretty lucky in terms of my parents giving me a good start by choosing an awesome high school for me. The rest of my education has been a mixture of good fortune and hard work. Personally, I'm inspired by people who don't get those kinds of opportunities and then later go back to school through their own choice to better themselves, making loads of sacrifices to do sio. So your idea of going back to school is inspiring to me! We inspire each other!!!

200.00 to spend on clothes, wow that would be a dream coming true :D

I wish you all the luck in the world.

Oh billy is aaaaaaaassss hole. especially after Lenny is trying to pull everything together. Aoidufoiweuroweiuroiweujdslkfjslakdj!

have a good day !!

Raven

Where'd the color changing type come from? That was cool. Good luck with getting your resume posted. You're right, your friend shouldn't have said that to Lenny. That wasn't right of him to do that. Good luck also with quitting smoking. I don't think I'll ever be able to quit. Take care.

Chad

RYN: Isn''t great being Bi? I mean we get to have our cake and eat it too.....

RYN: Actually I wish you would have put that in your comment to begin with. That kind of ties in with a bi man dating a straight woman. I mean you were gay before your boyfriend but because he accepted you and dated you well, you like guys now or atleat both sexes. Is that right or wrong?

Raven,

I'm glad things continue to improve for you and Lenny. You don't have to feel stupid, nobody in a meeting is going to judge you, and if they do, they don't belong there anyway. Hang in there. Lenny should get a sponsor, they are a key part of recovery. I'm between sponsors right know because i'm making my choice carefully. Both of my last sponsors broke my confidentiality and trust by telling everyone what I said, including the people who were the subject of my convo with both sponsors. Take care.

Chad

Raven, it sounds like you're close to watching Charmed religiously like you do NipTuck.......lol. Exploding cokes are always fun aren't they? That was nice that he gave you the bracelet and necklace. Good luck with your job interviews. Take care, talk to you soon.

Chad

Raven,

it sounds like you've got some difficult choices ahead of you regarding Lenny and your family. I thought Lenny wanted to move with you, which would be fine but both NA and AA recommend not making any major changes for at least a year. This includes geographical changes. Good luck to both of you, things will work out. Talk to you soon.

Chad

[GhostWalker]